WHY CHILDREN LYING AND WHAT TO DO?!

WHY CHILDREN LYING AND WHAT TO DO?!

🤥 Children’s lies, what cause concern for most parents, are either a natural part of development (experimenting with reality, and with their fantasy) or a communication of unmet needs.
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In such a situation, when a child lies: "Mom, the soup is hot!", when you know that it is barely warm, I would simply answer: "Is it really hot? 🙂 Are you going to eat it or do you want to wait?"
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If you feel irritated and want to prove that the child is "lying", demand the truth, this situation is NO LONGER ABOUT THE CHILD, BUT ABOUT YOU, such emotional reactions indicate that it is time to turn to yourself, see where that feeling comes from, where such a desire to control coming from, why is it so difficult to just accept what the child says, without any demands for the "truth" ?

First such lies, creating/recreating stories is a completely natural part of children development, it's experimentation with reality, perspective, fantasy, one's ability to influence reality.

Second, children lie to avoid certain unnatural consequences (punishment, condemnation, anger, sadness, blame, shame, morals).

WHAT TO DO:

💞Create a safe space for the child to grow without punishments, anger, reprimands, really see him/her, empathize with him/her, respond and the child will no longer have to protect himself herself by lying and trying to prove to himself and others that he/she is good enough and worthy of safety and acceptance.

❗And of course, don't lie by yourself, don't ask child "what did you do?" 🤷‍♀️ waiting for a confession, if you already know what happened. Speak respectfully and tell the truth, act the way you want your children to act.

💔 Your saying that you will not be able to trust the child, that his/her behavior is sad, that he/she is ugly when lying - places a huge responsibility on the child and this is too heavy burden for him/her.

✨A child is always worthy of trust and does not have to somehow "earn" it. The child's behavior is developmentally appropriate or is a communication of unmet needs, and in any case, your feelings are not the children's responsibility, and lying is only a symptom of the problem (if there is one), not the problem itself. 💗

I talk about it more in classes and in private meetings. To integrate the knowledge is the best to see through your personal life and your own kids and use this knowledge practically.