Salam Alaikum dear sisters,🌸
I hope you’re all feeling and doing well today.
Welcome new sisters to the group. ❤️
Today about “Good Girl’s Syndrome.”
It’s not a clinical diagnosis, but a very real emotional pattern many women carry—especially those raised to be quiet, obedient, pleasing, and easy to manage.
When people say “She was such a good girl,” what do they often mean? Calm. Not causing trouble. Never showing strong emotions. Doing what was expected—even if it meant silencing her own needs.
It’s more about the adult’s comfort rather than the child’s wellbeing.
But here’s the truth:
*All children are good.*‼️
Whether loud or quiet, emotional or calm, easygoing or strong-willed.
*Their behavior is a MESSAGE communication—not a reflection of their worth.
It shows whether their needs are met or not.
It shows their developmental stage, what skills they’re still learning, lacking or having.
But it doesn’t show whether a child is “good” or “bad.” ‼️
I’ve never seen a newborn baby bad. We all been born good.
“A good child” simply means being convenient for the adults around them.
*Many of us were raised with subtle control*—not always with harsh punishment, but with emotional pressure, guilt, gaslighting, and conditional love. Even PRAISES used to shape the child into what’s expected.
Phrases like:
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “If you really loved me, you’d do it.”
• “After everything I’ve done for you…”
I often asking sisters in my classes: -If friend’s husband treated your friend the way your parents treated you—would you call that relationship healthy and respectful? Or toxic and abusive?
This behaviour shape girls into women who feel they must please to be loved, avoid conflict to be safe, and suppress emotions to be accepted.
Until one day—those buried feelings return. Often after becoming mothers ourselves.
Anger, sadness, resentment, the urge to punish children —*they rise up*. These emotions wake us up to heal us.
That’s why I say to every sister:
Don’t start by trying to fix your child’s behavior.‼️
Start by understanding your own.
Begin with you.
Ask yourself:
• Why do I react this way?
• What triggers me?
• Why do I feel guilt when I set boundaries?
• Where did these beliefs come from?
Healing from “Good Girl Syndrome” means:
✅ Reconnecting with your true feelings
✅Saying “no” without shame
✅Setting boundaries without apology
✅Remembering: Your voice matters—even if it makes someone uncomfortable.
And from that healing, you’ll see your children differently—not as people to control, but as souls to understand and help them to grow.
If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to begin—know that you’re not alone. I offer classes and 1:1 chats, and you are always welcome to message me privately.
There are no quick fixes, and I don’t have magic pill 💊 but there is a path forward, step by step.
May Allah SWT bring to everyone clarity, peace, and self-compassion today and always.
With love and dua,
Maryam ❤️