Salam Alaikum sisters 🌸 Hope you all are doing well.
Today, I wanted to share a short reminder about FEARS and what to do if you're afraid of making a mistake. But I changed my mind and will share longer R.E.M.I.N.D.E.R.🫣
Six years ago, I discovered that I was afraid of cameras 📸🎥. Interestingly, I never had any trouble speaking to people in person, standing on stage, or speaking on Zoom. Then one day, a journalist came to an event and said he noticed how well I spoke with people. He asked if I could speak in front of a camera, and he would record a video to show on television. He said it would only take 2 minutes. I agreed. Little did I know, I had such a strong fear of cameras 📸🎥😰. What was supposed to be 2 minutes turned into 30 minutes as I struggled and kept wanting to retake the video over and over again. He was very patient, and in the end, I did it.
Recently, I had to speak in front of a camera again, and the same fear came back, not so much as before but…
To be honest, I couldn't remember when I developed that fear. I went through my subconscious mind, and I realised that I am afraid of making a mistake in front of the cameras since childhood.
And yes, fears are never about the now moment. In most situations, if you take a deep breath and focus on the present moment, you can notice that the fear is an illusion created by your mind, rather than a real, immediate danger. Our brains often amplify fears by overthinking future possibilities or recalling past fears, even when there's no actual threat in the present.
I am currently dealing with that fear, and I would like to share my mentor's words with you:
“The question is: would it be so scary if your fall, in the case of a mistake, were gentler?
Because those who are afraid of making mistakes often have the habit of strictly and painfully punishing themselves for a mistake, for an unknown answer, or for something that didn’t turn out perfectly. This is something that is actually invented. If we know that we will hurt ourselves, it’s natural to be afraid to make mistakes and afraid not to know. And not because of how others will react or not react, but because when we see their reactions, we know what we will do to ourselves.
The question is: would you be so afraid to make a mistake if you treated yourself with more kindness and compassion after failing, instead of being harsh or critical.
It all comes down to your choice. Your current habits suggest that you might spend up to three days criticizing yourself, feeling bad, grieving, depending on the size of the mistake.
Many have read about how they have to love themselves and try to do so, but when I ask how long they've known they should love themselves, the answer is often: "I don’t know..."
This is not about knowledge, it's not about "having to" — it's an illusion.
If I try, I won’t make mistakes anymore. That’s the biggest illusion: that if I beat myself now, I won’t make mistakes again. If one time wasn’t enough, it would be enough now?
By criticizing, blaming, and rejecting ourselves, do we change anything?
In this moment, and any other moment, what is your choice?
What is your relationship with what you are experiencing?
Will you switch to criticism and throw a stone at yourself?
The truth is, when you look at yourself and want to punish yourself, you have the opportunity to go to the one who made the mistake. The habit is to go to those side who criticise you, but it’s your choice. Would you go to another woman who made a mistake and hug her ?
This is the relationship where I choose myself, regardless of whether others think it’s bad, or even my own opinion that I messed up. But if I know I won’t leave myself in the case of a mistake, then admitting the mistake won’t be as painful. If you decide that, no matter what happens in the future, you will still choose a gentle, friendly hug for both the one who succeeded and the one who failed.
Remember that we are incredibly harsh with ourselves inside.
Remember that you want to care for others. If you bring that part of yourself that is angry, hates, failed, and made a past mistake, you will care for it. I won’t abandon myself, I simply won’t let go. This is the choice we make over and over again.
Often, people have an internal boundary: "Until now, I can accept myself, but if I make an even bigger mistake, or disappoint even more people, I will definitely reject myself."
This is the inner determination to punish ourselves. Because those who are good often punish themselves and others.
But what if, instead of holding that boundary, you said: "You know what? I still choose myself!" When you do this many times, confidence in yourself and peace will come. Even if feelings like anger and anxiety arise, inside, there will be confidence and belief, because I decided — I choose myself, no matter what. Even if others are happy — I will choose myself, even if they criticize — I will too.
So, do that. ONLY YOU can come to yourself with love and bring love to others.”
I hope this message inspires you to be kind to yourself, especially when you're facing fears and challenges. Don't punish yourself for mistakes — choose love and self-compassion instead.
And I’m with you all on my own self discovery and self development 🤗🌸
Have a blessed Friday. ❤️