Salam Alaikum sisters🌸 Hope you are feeling well today.
Today about “ RESCUERS AND VICTIMS ”.
Recently I received a question, how to help sister who is living in toxic relation with her husband. 2 sisters tried everything and at the end that sister still chose her abusive husband and even revealed to her husband about these 2 sisters plans.
Raise your hand who want to save all the world 🙋♀️🌎. Ok, not all but few people who are very close to you: your spouse, your parents, your sister, your brother, your son, your daughter, your friend…
How are you feeling when you seeing that others are wrong/ making wrong decisions and struggling? You are saying A they saying Z, you seeing Sun, they seeing Moon…. You want them to show, to tell, to share what you learned and know… and protect/ solve/that they benefit…but…
And I’m writing about adults.
The fact is - it’s impossible to save another person ( remember Noah’s son who refused to come aboard the Ark, instead preferring to climb a mountain, where he drowned). DO NOT INTERFERE! Do not prolong the victim's path. Live your life. This is just his/ her personal decision. Only he/ she himself/ herself can make a decision. NOW it’s his/her choice to be a victim. Respect the other person's choice. Say - I respect your choice to be a victim. And I'm waiting for you when you decide to live. Let's celebrate life together.
And I would like to share with you all these words what my teacher once send it to me:
“Don't regret. Don't teach. Don't try to change another person. Don't interfere.
Just be. Share your experience. And if they want, they will hear, accept, use. But only when you decide to take responsibility for your state, for your feelings, for your emotions. As long as you interfere, you think you are smarter, more experienced, you are not living your life and you are not letting someone else live theirs. You are not letting to take them responsibility for their life. Don't interfere unless asked. Do not advise, do not indicate.
They already used to receive attention, already used to shift responsibility to someone else, already used to demand pity, consolation, support, motivation. Here are those whom we consoled for many years, looked for a solution for, cared for, protected, rescued... Dropping everything, you ran towards them to help. And so you felt important and needed! Take responsibility - you raise and support victims. Unconsciously. Sharing yourself. By denying yourself. And if you are already waiting for "when will it end?!". NEVER. It will never end. If you solve one problem, another one will appear. And so constantly. Until you say STOP yourself. You apologize. You will not take responsibility. Yes, I saved! I took it upon myself to rescue. Not living your life. Not letting you live and decide for yourself. What to apologize for?! After all, I gave myself away! After all, it drained myself ! Yes. Apologize. That I didn't respect my boundaries. That I wasn't important to MYSELF. That I didn't live my life. That I unconsciously wanted to be important, irreplaceable and needed. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be praised and proud of myself.
I wanted to be irreplaceable. Unconscious pride has its price. And there is no other way. Just stop this chain. Stop. Apologize. Get out of the magic circle. Retreat. Even if he/she gets angry. Will blame. Revenge. Stop, I'm sorry. I will not raise a victim in you. I withdraw. You live your life. I'm going back to mine. Stop. And no more victimization. The only way to heal. For everyone. Make your own mistakes, make decisions. Search. Try. Be wrong. Fall and get back up. FOR YOURSELF. This is my life. This is yours. No victim support. Clear boundaries. Everyone does what they want with their lives. But only with your own. The most terrible people are "saviors". In order to fulfill their desire to be useful, needed, to be able to help. Don't save anymore! Want to save the world? Save YOURSELF!”
I’m encouraging everyone to rethink and contemplate about it.
Wishing everyone a nice day❤️