Salam Alaikum sisters. How are you feeling?🌸
Today about CHILDREN AND NATURAL CONSEQUENCES.
Praises and punishments are same coin just different sides. I shared information about it in previous messages.
Both not helping child to develop and not speeding up his/ her understanding.
Children younger than 3 years old don't really understand consequences, because they can't understand connections between their actions and the outcomes of those actions.
Even as I mention in previous messages, small child looking at you and smiling when doing something what you prohibited it doesn’t mean he understands the situation and doing it purposely. ( I’ll repeat this information in the nearest future Inshallah).
We all learn through natural consequences, which also teach children most effectively. These real-life experiences help children understand the outcomes of their actions and make better decisions in the future.
📍So allow children to experience natural consequences. ❗️
Allowing children to experience natural consequences is an effective way to teach responsibility, but it's important to do it THOUGHTFULLY and SAFELY.
So obviously you won’t allow small child to eat all medications and you won’t allow to jump from the cliff and say “see what happens ”.
📍Remember SAFETY COMES FIRST ❗️
But if it’s safe don’t run to correct situation. I personally recommend to see child’s natural development and to do it when he/ she is capable to reason and starts logically think. It’s around 6-7 years old.
For example, if a child has forgotten to take out the rubbish from the bin but he wanted to do that and it was his household choir, you can let him experience an unpleasant smell. Such an experience can become a valuable lesson. Avoiding shaming or additional scolding is important in this approach. The natural consequence is a lesson in itself. After a child experiences consequences, it is important to calmly discuss the situation: what happened and why. During this conversation, the child can be helped to find a solution to avoid a similar situation in the future.
📌 Offer help, but not salvation.
Instead of taking out the trash for the child, offer him help to find a solution: "Let's think about how we can help you remember to take out the trash?".
So before applying natural consequences, it is important to discuss with the child in advance what can happen if he does not fulfill his responsibilities. This conversation helps the child to better understand the relationship of cause and effect, and also to prepare for possible outcomes.
Start with a calm conversation where neither you nor your child is stressed or upset.
Explain that every action (or avoidance) has consequences. For example, if you are talking about the responsibility to clean up the toys, you can say, "Let's think about what might happen if the toys are left scattered around the room."
Let the child think for himself and suggest possible consequences. He may mention that it will be difficult to walk around the room, that toys may break, or that it will be difficult to find a favorite toy. You can add to his thoughts by saying, "Yeah, and someone might stamp and get hurt."
It is important not only to discuss the negative consequences, but also the positive results if the duty is fulfilled: "What will happen if you put the toys in their place?".
The child may mention that the room will look nice, it will be safe to walk around, and it will be easy to find toys.
This conversation not only helps the child understand the consequences of his actions, but also develops critical thinking and problem-solving skills.
The child learns to anticipate events and take responsibility for his/ her decisions. After such a conversation, when the child is faced with natural consequences, he will be better prepared to accept and understand them. You will be able to recall the previous conversation: "Remember how we talked about what can happen if the toys are left on the floor? Now we see that it happened."
Today I’m inviting you to rethink your communication with your child and allow experience natural consequences based on the given examples.
Tomorrow I’ll text how to motivate children to perform daily duties without turning it into a boring obligations or bribery. InshaAllah