Salam Alaikum sisters, how are you feeling today?🌸 I hope everyone enjoying family time this Saturday.
Today about :
"EVERYTHING IS FINE/OK/ALRIGHT"
This is one of the most common calming or emotional denial phrases what kids hearing from their parents.
1. Example. The child falls. Parents don't want child's tears: “You're fine. The floor hurt more than you. Everything is fine with you”.
I heard when a girl fell over from the scooter in the playground and her father said "she's fine" to others and she screamed crying "No! I'm not fine! How do you know what's wrong with me!!??"
And it was a strong reminder that you can’t tell how other’s feeling or what is wrong with them, but you can ask: “How are you feeling?”
When a person who is not well is told that he is ok- his reality is denied. He experiences one, but it’s explained to him that there is nothing wrong.
A person can begin doubt his feelings, his assessment of the situation, himself. And start listening only to other people's opinions, not own feelings.
2. Example. Parents repeat to the child who is crying and continuously reassuring him "everything is fine, everything is fine".
If the child is crying, it means that it isn’t everything fine. And it is much better to say even to a baby: "I am here with you. You are showing me that something is difficult, unpleasant for you. I hear you. I am with you."
Without denying child’s reality, without trying to suppress child’s emotions, parents should accept them, accept child's experience and help a child to feel all emotions.
How to help the child to feel emotions I’m showing real video example in classes.
3. Example. When not only emotions and feelings, but also the child's reality is denied. When the child, let's say, came to a birthday party and there are a lot of unfamiliar children playing around and he/she is not confident to join them. Parents want the child go and play and repeat to him/ her: "I
t's okay, go play, go say hello/Salam/ swing together. Come on, go, it's okay."
And the child stands tensed and perhaps goes tensed to do what the father or mother said.
Sometimes it may take more time to settle in and that's okay. The child might be feeling uncomfortable, fearful, he may need time to feel the environment and other kids and adults around.
This is not a problem, what needs to be solved. The child can ask you to go together or can show without asking that he/ she still wants to be around you and not to be pushed anywhere.
Adults can also feel uncomfortable and need time to adjust to new surroundings.
And everything is fine with that 😌
Do you recognize yourself in these situations?