The aim is NOT never to shout.

The aim is NOT never to shout.

The aim is to understand yourself, WHY do you want to shout? What is happening inside you ? + understand the child's development and how it can affect his behavior and self-perception now + in the future.

THE CHILD behaves in THE BEST way he or she CAN. Always. Children behaviour depends on their natural development, what skills they are having, are their all needs fulfilled, how healthy they are, environment ect. They learning from us and copying us. Our parenting method is a direct message what we passing to them. And you are having proper example: you shouting - then they raising voice.

The impulse to shout arises because you yourself feeling helpless in that situation, unable to control the other person. HOWEVER, SHOUTING AND OTHER PUNISHMENTS WILL NOT HELP TO SPEED UP THE CHILD’S DEVELOPMENT AND WILL NOT HELP to gain skills what he or she is lacking. When parents shouting or punishing kids brains shutting down for learning process.

It can be very difficult immediately to stop reacting without shouting, yelling, aggression, rejection, when you react because your whole body responds to the situation in this way, your heart starts beating faster, energy accumulates in your hands. You can reflect on how difficult it is for YOU as an adult to stop, choose logical solutions, assess the situation, adjust... But that's what you expect from a 3 year old child who, even if he wants to, CANNOT do it, except to suppress himself out of fear and the threat of rejection (which for a child equals the threat of death), because belonging to a family is the child's direct survival.

A certain part of you conscious believes that shouting, yelling, punishment and other strategies are the best in that situation + subconsciously, the child is seen as a threat, because when you were a child you were treated the same way: maybe you "disobeyed", showed your anger, emotions, expressed your opinion, felt not satisfied... And it wasn't accepted with love, you weren't helped to go through these emotions, you were left alone, called bad names, scolded, or physically hurt. You had to suppress such strong feelings in order to survive. They remained unintegrated and your child now raises all unintegrated emotions like anger, pain, frustration and at the same time strong stress - he or she becomes a threat for you now.

These reactions arise from childhood experiences, lack of emotion regulation with the help of another person (co-regulation), seeing how you or even other people are treated, threatened, punished.

It can be said that you are not reacting to your child's behavior, but your past - your inner child is reacting to your child's behavior. Therefore, in order to raise children, we must first raise ourselves.

You can break the cycle, you can stop, calm yourself and respond to the situation differently. Your brain remains plastic throughout your life and you can redesign yourself - redesign your life. And it can be the best gift for your family.

But for that you need to know what to do when children triggering you. You need to know methods how to regulate your emotions, not suppress them, but feel them. And I’ll post it here on the group separately all information. Second nothing is worser that tired mom, are your personal needs satisfied and seen? And most important is integrate your past feelings and emotions❤️
I hope I answered. All methods will be posting soon InshaAllah