We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam*❤️
Assalamu Alaikum, dear Brothers and Sisters 🌿I hope you are all feeling well today.
Recently, in our Finances Group, we reflected on our individual relationship with money and the psychology behind our financial behaviours. Today, I thought it would be interesting to bring the topic here, but from a couples and relationship perspective, because money can have a surprisingly important role in how we understand and communicate with our spouse.
If you are interested in learning and reflecting more about finances, you are also very welcome to join our Finances Group. 🌱
Have you ever wondered why two people can look at exactly the same amount of money and feel completely differently about it?
Imagine a husband and wife unexpectedly receive £500.
One immediately thinks:
“Let’s enjoy it. Life is short.”
The other thinks:
“Don’t touch it. We need to save it.”
Who is right?
Interestingly, the disagreement may not really be about £500 at all.
In financial psychology, we sometimes talk about money scripts - beliefs and assumptions about money that can influence our financial behaviour. These can develop partly through financial socialisation: what we observed, experienced and were taught about money while growing up.
For one spouse, spending may represent freedom, enjoyment, generosity or even love.
For the other, saving may represent safety, responsibility, stability and protection from uncertainty.
So when couples argue about money, underneath the numbers there may actually be questions such as:
“Can I trust you with our future?”
“Do you understand what makes me feel secure?”
“Do my needs and priorities matter to you?”
“Why do I feel controlled when we discuss money?”
This is why simply proving who is right about the £500 may not resolve the conflict.
🌿 A little couples reflection for today:
Ask yourself:
“What does money represent to me?”
Then, instead of assuming you already know, ask your spouse:
“What does money represent to you?”
You may discover that what looks like overspending or being too strict with money has a deeper emotional meaning.
Islam encourages balance -avoiding both extravagance and miserliness, fulfilling our responsibilities, and remembering that our wealth is an amanah (trust) from Allah SWT.
Understanding your spouse’s financial psychology does not mean agreeing with every financial decision. Understanding creates a better starting point for communication.
Sometimes couples think they are arguing about £100, when the deeper conversation is really about security, trust, freedom, responsibility and shared values. ❤️
May Allah SWT grant us halal rizq, place barakah in what we have, and give us wisdom, fairness and understanding in how we manage our finances together. Ameen. 🤲🏻
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