QUESTION.

QUESTION.

“…I’m feeling continuously stressed, tired and afraid. I can’t cope and control children….My husband not helping at all…..How can I relax when raising children?…”

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Nothing is worser than tired and exhausted mom. 😩

FIRST, person who feels low - should rest.
Body sending signals and symptoms too, and we shouldn’t neglect ourselves. Feel your body, and you will see what do you need the most. It can be sleep, it can be go out, it can be simple things: taking shower, drinking cup of tea in peace and relaxing by doing nothing ect.

Another FIRST. Understanding children’s development, their needs will help you to relax and have more confidence. To live more in connection 💛without fear that if you do not shape the child NOW by properly showing where he/she is good and where he/ she is bad, that child will never learn proper behavior.

When we raising children out of fear, we usually make the wrong decisions💔

Raising children in a relation, trusting the child's development, understanding children capabilities, seeing their wants and needs, not just behavioral expressions, changes not only your life now (which becomes much more pleasant living with a child!), but also the life of the child. And you will put a solid foundation for all his/ her all life if you will see another human being in front of you.

Children needs skills, help, love and guidance.

SECOND. SLOW DOWN. BE HERE AND NOW. Sounds stupid and silly 🙃 but it’s true ( I already mentioned about it in previous messages). Seems we need to rush and run when we are raising kids, but do opposite- slow down. Do everything in your own pace.
I always say - let the world spin around you, but not you or your head.

THIRD. PLAN. Plan your day, prioritise what is must and essential, all other things will wait. Writing down helps to see your inner capacity, timing and what you can and can’t do exactly that day.
For the muslims I highly recommend to start writing prayer times first. Then according to that fill all jobs you must do. Write it down in hours.
Example:

4:00 -4:30 am Fajr
4:30- 6:00 am Sleeping
6:00- 6:30 am My time ( shower, glass of water, dressing ect)
6:30- 8:00 am Family waking up( waking up all kids, helping them, preparing breakfast for family)
8:00-9:00 dropping kids
9:00-9:30 …..
….
13:11 Dhuhr
……
17:25 Asr
……
21:00 Maghrib
……..

22: 25 Isha

For others, minimum 5 times a day have breaks for yourself and schedule them.

For those who never did that it could be overwhelming at the beginning, give time to adapt to your schedules and feel yourself, and your capacity of doing everything. Usually daily schedules need a lot of corrections. Especially moms timings, because they thinking that they can do everything and must do everything.

FORTH. DRAW PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. Learn to say no to other people, save your energy. Btw keep your energy for husband. Husband shouldn’t be neglected. But if husband asking you to go shopping by yourself, to pay bills, or give him a favour, or your mom wants to talk, or sister needs you to look after her kids too then it’s upon you to decide you having energy and capacity for that or not. Evaluate is it emergency situation or not, can people wait or reschedule their plans?
Remember it’s upon you to show generosity. I highly recommend openly communicate with people: tell how are you feeling, what was your initial daily plan and how and when you can help/ call or not help at all.
If people are upset because you didn’t agree to help it’s their own feelings and responsibility to figure out. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS.

FIFTH. ASK FOR HELP. Neighbours, parents, siblings, friends, husband.

SIXTH. DISCUSS WITH A HUSBAND how can you adjust family life and get more rest. Make schedule together.
If no husband, then the wisest decision I believe would be to ask for help: beside family and relatives, there are organisations, councils, groups who helping single mothers.

SEVENTH. PERSON SHOULD TAKE CARE AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS OWN physical and mental health. We shouldn’t blame others: husband for not helping, kids not listening, managers at work overusing ect.
We are having free will to choose, to take care about ourselves first and we should prioritise to eat and rest, to pray, take suplements and exercise. If needed seek professional help.
And remember no one will understands us more or give that care and love we need, because no one can feel how we are feeling.

Communicate, ask, draw boundaries, pray, and take care of yourself ❤️

P.S. Sorry for writing too much, most of things I repeated but I hope everyone will take her own advice from all of this answer. ❤️

Have a nice day! Salam Alaikum 🌸