Salam Alaikum sisters.
Hope you had g a good day and feeling well. 🌸
PRAISES/ rewards
-Wow, what a boy, how much did you eat!👍🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻GOOD BOY! Well, now you can eat cookies too. WELL DONE!
-What a sweet girl you are, you gave cookies to a friend 😃what a GOOD GIRL. 👍🏻👏🏻WELL DONE!
-Oh, what a GOOD CHILD 👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻👍🏻you are, how you love your sister! Give a hug to your sister. WELL DONE!
REPRIMANDS/ punishments
-How UGLY YOU ARE. Such a BIG CHILD and you showing faces like that. Does it really taste bad? Get out of here, you ashamed us. 😡
-Your friend wants a cookie too. BE A GOOD GIRL. A friend arrived to you, and he is our guest, and you won't even give him a cookie? Then no one will come to you and be friends with SUCH A BAD GIRL! 😤😠
-WHAT A BAD CHILD! 😡You are an older brother, you should be an example and behave. You need to love your sister and care. Go to your room and think about your behaviour.
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Have you noticed that praises/rewards and reprimands/punishments are two sides of the same coin?
This is the same control in two forms: reward the behavior you want it continues and punish the behavior you want to eliminate.
Sounds nice and encouraging these praises 👆🏻but these praises are not about the child. THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
AND YOU USE YOUR APPROVAL OR REJECTION TO SHAPE THE BEHAVIOR OF ANOTHER PERSON, MAYBE WITHOUT EVEN CONSCIOUSLY UNDERSTANDING IT.
PRAISES are manipulations to get or achieve what we want. (Even if that desire is for the child to feel better - we want to change/control his self-perception).
The child feels that this is control, that he is being manipulated.
How it changes WHO WE ARE, HOW AFFECTS SELF-PERCEPTION of the child+ DESTROYS INNER MOTIVATION and how to speak with a children and compliment them I’m sharing in classes.
See you 10:30 am this Sunday as always on the Zoom InshaAllah.
Have a peaceful weekend ❤️