Salam Alaikum sister, thank you for your great questions. 👍🏻
I’ll shorten your questions if you don’t mind:
1. Why do some religious people behave badly towards others?
I believe every person is created in the best form, and all are born good. However, some religious people lack emotional intelligence, self-awareness, or humility due to upbringing, trauma, or arrogance. We must also remember the unseen—Shaytan targets those striving for righteousness more than those distant from faith.
Instead of focusing on their behavior, we should ask ourselves:
• Why have I attracted this person into my life?
• What is Allah teaching me through this experience?
Everyone evolves at their own pace, fulfilling Allah’s SWT plan. We don’t always see the full picture—what seems bad may serve a greater purpose. Without hardship, we wouldn’t appreciate ease or learn valuable lessons. Life is a test for both the “good” and the “bad” people. Through interactions, we grow and refine ourselves. Plus if we believe Allah SWT is all seeing and knowing and most just, means for everyone will be recompensed accordingly. We say: “You’ll sleep how you make your bed.”
2. How can one surrender to someone who doesn’t value or respect them?
Surrender doesn’t mean becoming powerless or suppressing emotions. It means allowing others to be themselves while staying true to yourself. Letting go of control. A woman’s natural energy is surrender, but that does not mean being a doormat.
If someone feels disrespected, ask yourself:
• How am I allowing this disrespect?
• Where are my boundaries?
• Do I truly respect myself and think well of myself?
Practical steps:
1. You can’t control others, only your response. This requires dealing with personal triggers and growing emotionally.
2. Detach from people’s approval: your worth comes from Allah SWT, not how others treat you. This requires dealing with personal triggers and growing emotionally.
3. Set boundaries with Ihsan: Islam does not ask you to tolerate harm or be a doormat. This requires dealing with personal triggers and growing emotionally.
4. Improve communication skills: many struggles arise from a lack of healthy communication. This requires dealing with personal triggers and growing emotionally.
5. Set firm boundaries. I noticed itself it’s the most hardest things for everyone. This requires dealing with personal triggers and growing emotionally and at all knowing what are personal boundaries and values.
6. Avoid manipulation and unnecessary arguments: even when emotional, don’t get pulled deeper into negativity. That is extremely hard for us women. As we naturally are emotional. And being emotional it’s not weakness or bad. But again this requires dealing with personal triggers and growing emotionally.
7. Make du’a for them, but don’t carry what isn’t yours. Your triggers and your emotions are yours. Deal it yourself.
No one is responsible for other people emotions. Obviously if a person reacts to certain things and another person specially triggers it’s a MANIPULATION.
May Allah SWT grant us wisdom, allow us to grow and improve ourselves, guide us, and strengthen us all. Ameen. 🤲🏻