Salam Alaikum sisters🌸 Hope you all doing well today.
I was going to post yesterday and day before something else, but today would like to focus on natural children development.
To be honest so much would like to share with you all and can’t prioritise what information would be the most important, because all information is so important and each theme/ topic covers each other.

So today about NATURAL CHILDREN DEVELOPMENT

"If you (don't) do X, then I (don't) do Y to you. "

When a child communicates with parents in this way, it is considered as MANIPULATION.

When a parent communicates with a child in this way, parents saying it’s PARENTING. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Such communication is appropriate maybe in business agreements, but not in a relationship with another person.

To be honest if you see children behaving like that with others we should turn to ourselves and other adults who are in the closest child’s environment and first question them/ourselves.

REMEMBER the way you communicate (not the result you achieve) is the skill and perception your child takes from you for all his life.

Example:

"If you don't give me a pencil✏️ , then I won't give you one either!"

This is just one of the thousands phrases adults use EVERYDAY to make children behave the way they want.
And this was told to a 2-year-old child with intention he needs to LEARN TO SHARE things, without noticing that the exact opposite thing is being taught.

I’m inviting you to read this sentence again: "If you don't give me a pencil✏️, then I won't give you one either!"

What message parents passing?
What skills they teaching?

Also many adults say: example

“Look, I'm giving you pencil✏️ because I'm good, I know how to share."

Children do not share, shout, throw things, cry, grab from your hands, interrupt conversations...because they are bad and not because they DON'T WANT to behave differently (btw not to give their things or not to kiss auntie is fully a child's right but about that some other time).
They behave this way because their brains are developing, their skills are developing and they are already behaving in the best way they can at that time, with the skills and opportunities they have that moment.

And such sentence only shows what a good person you (or others)are and that he/ she (just because he/ she is a child and still learning) is bad.

How really teach children then?

“Do you want green pencil?
OK, please. “

CHILDREN LEARNING FROM OUR BEHAVIOUR and WORDS.

And it doesn't matter at all that child didn't give you anything, cried, he got hysteria, he threw something, said something.
By understanding children natural development , you will no longer be afraid to treat your child with respect, kindness and love. And you won’t take anything personally.

You don't need to constantly show him/ her how (not)good (in)appropriate he/ she is, shame and push him/ her away, so that he/ she learns how the world will react to him/ her if he grows up “acting” like this.

Because children will repeat the way you treat them.

Yours as a parent’s REACTIONS now is a repetitive behaviour of how others behaved and communicated with you in your childhood.

Let your child's mind remain safe to live. Let his inner voice won’t become a voice how weak, bad, unloved, not completed he/ she is.

So understanding natural children development will help you relax and have more confidence. To live more in connection with your children 👧👶👦without fear that if you do not shape the child NOW by properly showing where he is good and where he is bad, that he will never learn proper behavior.
When we parenting out of fear, we will usually make the wrong decisions💔 and disrupting connection.
Growing children in a relation, trusting their natural development, understanding their capabilities, seeing wants and needs, not just behavioral expressions this changes not only your life now (which becomes much more pleasant living with a child!), but also the life of the child.

I’m posting a table with natural children development. It’s just a guide and a reminder for you to understand the importance of children development. And if you seeing your child is above or below the description of his age it doesn’t mean everyone needs to be in same level.
You should see and raise your child what you are having now. If you worried about child’s natural development you can ask specialists or just send me a message.

Also, I would like to remind about Islamic teachings and guidance how to behave with children according to their age.

“Play with them for the first seven years (of their life); then teach them for the next seven years; then advise them for the next seven years (and after that).” The above Hadith of the Prophet gives us the guidance to divide the upbringing of a child into three stages.