I received another question about painful intercourse for women, and I feel this topic really needs its own proper space and reflection.

Yes, you can easily search online and find bits of information here and there. You’ll find suggestions like “use more lubricant” or “treat the physical condition.” But very few are speaking from a holistic point of view. And that’s the problem. Intimacy issues are not just physical. They are deeply psychosomatic- meaning they involve the mind, emotions, heart, body, and soul.

When a woman experiences pain during intimacy, it’s not just about dryness, itching, burning, or other symptoms. Those are real, yes but they are often signals from the body trying to say: something is off in the whole system. Ask yourself:
• Are you feeling well? Are all your body needs satisfied?
• How is your emotional state?
• Are you connected to yourself? To your husband?
• Do you feel safe, relaxed, understood?

Every aspect matters. You can’t just treat the body while ignoring the heart and soul. And this is where modern advice falls short.
Intimacy for a woman is an act of surrender -full presence, openness, and trust. If a woman can’t surrender in daily life , she will naturally resist - mentally, emotionally, and physically. That resistance can show up as tension, numbness, or even pain. Sadly, some men complain that their wives are “just lying there,” not participating, while they turn to pornography instead, chasing a version of “active” engagement that’s often unrealistic and harmful.
But the answer is not shame or blame. It’s to understand and explore intimacy together.

Dear sisters, passiveness is not the same as surrender. True surrender means you’re present, you’re connected, and you’re accepting of your husband, of the moment, and most importantly, of yourself.

This topic is deep. It’s sensitive. And it’s one that many adults avoid, often due to cultural silence or shyness, especially in our communities. But Islam does not shy away from guiding us on these matters. In fact, it dignifies and uplifts intimacy when approached with care and mutual love.
I’ll likely speak more about this in a couples’ group, InshaAllah. Because these are real issues, and they deserve real, balanced, spiritual and emotional support. Our ummah needs to remember: we are not like animals, intimacy in Islam is not just physical release; it’s connection, mercy, comfort, and ‘sakan’ (tranquility).