I like your last sentence about checking it yourself 👍🏻 And yes most of us many things doing or saying automatically/ subconsciously. Ask yourself aren’t you actually want to control your children behaviour using another person’s( dad’s) “image” that moment ? Why do you want your kids will understand that daddy as well will be unhappy of their behaviour?
"daddy won't be happy" or "wait till dad gets home" or "dad doesn't like when you do..."
Ask yourself how do I know that? Where is this my knowledge coming from?
What message I’m passing to my children? What skills I’m teaching? How do I know my husband’s feelings, words and reaction about this?
Remember, you creating your own relation with kids and kids dad should create his own relation.
You both are not all in one in terms of feelings or thoughts, and even words or reactions. So you can’t tell to kids what your husband thinks or feels about them or situation in advance. Because kids seeing you as 2 different people. And learning from you both as from 2 different people. And when your words won’t correlate with dad’s response and reactions kid’s will feel you just simply lying. Guess what person then kids will trust and listen more?
Remember, kids having not only eyes đź‘€ and earsđź‘‚, they feeling our vibes, observing and absorbing our mood, seeing how our body language correlates with what we are saying and learning.