Salam Alaikum dear Brothers and Sisters. Hope you all are feeling well today.
I had the chance to serve as a McKenzie Friend in UK family courts, supporting in the most vulnerable moments of relationships. And what I saw changed me.
*Court is not a place for healing*—it’s a “tennis” court.
*A power game.*‼️
Back and forth. One wins, one loses. Words are weaponised. Emotions are hardened.
And in the end, no one really leaves whole.
But the truth is: many of us live like that before we ever reach court.
*We play emotional tennis at home*—volleying blame, silence, and pain—without ever learning how to end the game.
In court, the process has rules:
A judge listens to both sides without interruption.
Each party speaks their truth under oath.
*The judge uses a gavel*—not to threaten, but to signal authority, calm, and finality.
So what do couples have instead of a judge’s hammer? What brings order, peace, and fairness into their home?
Here are a few tools couples can use:
✅*A “pause word”*—a neutral word you both agree on that signals “let’s stop here and come back calmly.”
✅*A shared conflict agreement*: no interrupting, no name-calling, no dragging the past.
✅*A truth-telling promise*: “I will speak what’s real—not to hurt you, but to help us.”
✅*A designated safe space in the home where serious talks happen*—with the shared goal of understanding, not “winning.”
*And without children in presence.*‼️
✅*And an end signal*: a simple phrase like “are we good now?” or “back on the same team?”—your personal version of a gavel strike that says, “we’re done fighting, let’s move forward.”
And perhaps the most important thing to remember:
*We don’t know how to sit with each other’s feelings.*‼️‼️‼️
When someone says, “I’m exhausted” or “I feel alone,” we say, “You always complain” or “That’s not true.”
We get defensive. We try to fix the feeling, dismiss it, or argue against it—*instead of simply being present.*
But feelings aren’t threats. They’re messages.
Even if you don’t agree with why someone feels what they feel—you can still honour that they feel it.
*That one shift—acceptance over correction—can change everything.*‼️‼️‼️‼️
Wishing everyone wisdom and peace.❤️