Salam Alaikum sisters, hope you are doing well today. 🌸 I’m continuing about personal children boundaries today.
Do you still feel responsible for the feelings of your mother, father, brother, husband, aunt, friend, colleague, co-worker or even a stranger? 🤔
Do you still live with the fear of rejection and don't even feel where your boundaries are because you are so many years ignored them❓
🌸That it won’t be just simple words I’m encouraging everyone to turn to yourself first. Think about your childhood first. Answer to these questions 👇🏻
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#Were your personal boundaries in your childhood respected ?
#Were you able to express your opinion openly?
#Did people respect your NO when you was a child and did they not touch/grab/tickle /lift you when you didn’t want it ?
#Did adults at all asked you before touching your body?
#And if you were told to ignore your body's signals, your feelings, your needs for space, autonomy, choice, how are you managing to draw boundaries now?
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❤️RESPECT THEM AS PEOPLE:
Let kids relax.
If they want to tell something, they will tell. If they want to recite - they will do it. If they want to smile - they will smile. They don't need to put “a mask” and show smile or happiness that others feel good.
Imagine for a moment how you would feel in children’s place.
❤️RESPECT THEM AS PEOPLE:
Forced greeting (including apology/ thanks), when the child is not ready for it, really will not help to create a connection, will not help to learn and practice sincere relationship, compassion, gratitude, but will teach pretend, forget self boundaries, apathy, suppression of emotions and personal needs.
❤️RESPECT THEM AS PEOPLE:
Respect their body’s boundaries.
Yes, even babies. They are people from birth, they are not things that we can give them from hands to hands and to the other hands. Before asking someone to take a child or giving the child to those who extend their hands... Look, does the child really want to be given? What signs does he/ she shows?
❓What can be the signs of stress???
It's not just physical rejection or crying.
It can be:
The child's eyes are widened, quickly moving. His body tensed. Can become restless/ fidgety in your arms, or just holding you tight around the neck. Be beside or hold the child if necessary, take the child calmly, observe, feel the child and say to others:
"Looks like he/she still needs time to settle in, you can talk while I take care of him/ her/ while he/ she is in my arms."
Small and older children also need help.
Yes, even teenagers shouldn’t be pushed.
If they don't want to kiss or hug their aunt, uncle, grandmother or grandfather, or are close relatives and even if they give them gifts or are close relatives, even if their grandparents feeling "hurt" that the child doesn't want to give a kiss, that doesn't make rights for other people to breach the boundaries of the child's body.
Remember that your behavior now is a message for children to all their life: What does respect look like in the relationships? How to draw boundaries? How to respect yourself and others? How to feel secure in relation ?