We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️
Salam Alaikum dear Brothers and Sisters, I hope you are all well today.
Did you know that people can react emotionally before they consciously understand why? The brain can trigger fear, anger, or caution in a fraction of a second. This means that not every emotional reaction is a deliberate choice, and not every reaction is caused by a current situation.
Many couples assume that if their spouse becomes upset, fearful, defensive, or angry, the cause must be something happening in the relationship right now. However, human emotions are more complex than that.
As a result, some couples begin blaming each other for every emotional reaction. One spouse may think, “You made me angry,” while the other thinks, “You are always too sensitive.” This can create a cycle of blame, misunderstanding, and distance.
The reality is that not every emotion is caused by the other person. Sometimes emotions are influenced by past experiences, personal fears, stress, tiredness, personality traits, or natural human instincts that Allah SWT created within us.
This does not mean we should avoid responsibility for our actions. Our words and behavior can certainly affect our spouse. But wisdom requires us to recognise that not every emotional reaction is entirely caused by what is happening in the present moment.
For example, one person may fear heights because they once had a frightening fall. Another person who has never fallen may still feel nervous standing at the edge of a very tall building. In this case, the fear is not necessarily coming from a past event; it may be a natural protective instinct.
This understanding can transform a marriage.
When your spouse reacts emotionally, instead of immediately asking:
“Why are you acting like this?”
Try asking yourself :
“What might my spouse be experiencing right now?”
Sometimes the reaction is connected to a past experience. Sometimes it is a natural human emotion. Sometimes it is a combination of both.
In Islam, emotions themselves are not sins. What matters is how we manage them and how we treat one another during emotional moments.
Allah SWT says that He placed affection and mercy between spouses. Mercy becomes especially important when emotions are strong. A spouse who responds with patience and understanding often helps calm the situation more effectively than a spouse who responds with criticism or blame.
Reflection Task This Week (For Couples and Individuals)
Set aside 20 minutes with no phones, distractions, or interruptions.
Reflect on these questions honestly:
1. What situations naturally make me feel afraid, stressed, angry, or upset?
2. Which of my reactions do I think come from past experiences?
3. Which reactions do I think are simply part of my personality or human nature?
4. When I am emotional, what helps me feel understood and supported?
5. Do I tend to seek understanding, or do I look for someone to blame?
6. How can I respond with more patience, mercy, and compassion when emotions arise?
For Couples:
Take turns sharing your answers with one another.
For Individuals:
Write your reflections in a journal and spend a few moments making du’a for greater self-awareness and emotional wisdom.
*While listening to your spouse or reflecting on yourself, avoid judging, defending, criticizing, or trying to immediately fix everything.*❣️
The goal is not to determine who is right or wrong. The goal is to better understand ourselves and one another.
So remember:
Not every emotion comes from the past.
Not every emotion is caused by another person.
Not every feeling needs someone to blame.
Sometimes emotions are lessons.
Sometimes they are reminders.
Sometimes they are part of the natural human nature Allah SWT created within us.
The more we understand our emotions, the more we can respond with wisdom rather than reaction, and with mercy rather than blame.
May Allah SWT grant us self-awareness, patience, emotional wisdom, and hearts filled with mercy for ourselves and others. Ameen.🤲🏻
Wishing everyone peace.
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