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We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️

Salam Alaikum dear Brothers and Sisters, I hope you are all feeling well today.

Today I want reflect about something very serious.

WORDS.

Words having power, they can give peace and heal.
But sometimes in arguments between couples, voices rise. Anger increases. And words are thrown like knives.

Many people don’t understand -*words are not just sounds*. They have psychological, neurological, and spiritual impact.

When someone shouts at us, insults us, or humiliates us, the brain does not treat it as “just talk.”
The amygdala -the brain’s alarm system -activates as if there is real danger. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released. The body goes into survival mode.

This happens in both men and women, but often differently.

Many men are neurologically wired to react faster with external expression (anger, raised voice, dominance behavior).

Many women are neurologically wired to react with internalization (anxiety, withdrawal, tears, overthinking).

When shouting becomes normal in a relationship:

⚡️the nervous system stays in chronic stress
⚡️emotional safety disappears
⚡️affection decreases
⚡️intimacy weakens
⚡️respect slowly erodes

Repeated verbal aggression can create trauma responses, even if there is no physical violence.
The brain remembers humiliation.
Over time, harsh words can change how a person sees themselves. They begin to believe what was said in anger.

🧬 Biologically, men under stress often move into “fight mode.” Testosterone can amplify assertive or aggressive responses when feeling disrespected.

Women under stress often move into “tend-and-befriend” or freeze responses. Their nervous system is strongly linked to emotional connection. When shouting happens, it can feel like relational abandonment.

So during an argument:
• A man feels attacked and raise his voice to regain control.
• A woman feels unsafe and either cry, shut down, or also escalate emotionally.

Both nervous systems are reacting. But instead of protecting each other, they start wounding each other.

🌙 Islam gives great importance to controlling the tongue.

The Prophet pbuh said:

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.”

He also taught that strong is not the one who overpowers others, but the one who controls himself when angry.

Allah warns us about mockery, humiliation, and hurtful speech. (Qur’an 49:11).

In Islam, emotional abuse is not normalised. Shouting, insulting, belittling -these break sakinah (tranquility) in the home.

Marriage is meant to be a place of rahmah (mercy), not fear.

🔪*Words Feel Like Knives*

Because they cut identity.
They cut dignity.
They cut safety.

A wound from a knife may heal faster than a wound repeated daily through humiliation.

And when couples repeatedly shout:
⚡️the nervous system associates the partner with danger
⚡️love hormones like oxytocin decrease
⚡️stress hormones increase
⚡️the body begins to close emotionally and physically
Then couples say:

“Why is there no closeness anymore?”
“Why don’t we feel connected?”

*Because safety was replaced with fear.*⚠️

Dear brothers and sisters, I would like to remind you today, that:

*Disagreement is normal.*❣️
*Different opinions are normal.*❣️
*Strong emotions are normal*❣️.

*But disrespect is not.*⚠️

Before speaking in anger do pause, few deep breaths and consciously ask yourself:

• Will these words build or destroy?
• Am I protecting my ego or my marriage?
• Would I speak this way if I remembered Allah SWT is hearing me?

Psychology teaches us: emotional safety builds connection.
Neurology teaches us: safety calms the nervous system.
Islam teaches us: mercy strengthens the home.

May Allah SWT protect our tongues and soften our hearts.
May He place tranquility between husbands and wives.
And most importantly, may He give us wisdom to pause, reflect, and grow.
May our homes be places of peace, not battlefields. 🤲🏻

With sincerity 🤍
Maryam