We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam*❤️
Assalamu Alaikum dear Sisters, 🌸
A very warm welcome to all of our new sisters who have recently joined our group and community.
Today, I’d like to invite you to reflect on something that affects not only our marriages, but also how we relate to our children, our parents, our friends, and even ourselves.
Sometimes we tell ourselves,
“I’m too emotional.”
“I’m too sensitive.”
“Maybe I ask for too much.”
But sometimes, those aren’t even our own words.
They are words we’ve heard from others.
Perhaps someone has said,
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re too needy.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
Over time, we begin to believe those voices. We start questioning whether our feelings are valid or whether we should stop expressing them altogether.
But dear sisters, having emotions doesn’t make you weak, and having needs doesn’t make you difficult.
Allah created us with emotional needs. We all long to feel loved, understood, accepted, and emotionally safe. Even the Prophet pbuh sought companionship, comfort, and support from those around him. Needing people is part of our fitrah (natural disposition); relying on Allah above all else is what gives those relationships balance.
Often, it isn’t our emotions themselves that create the greatest struggle. It’s the fear underneath them.
The fear of being rejected.
The fear of not being enough.
The fear of disappointing someone we love.
The fear of losing connection.
When those fears become strong, we naturally look to other people for reassurance.
And when that reassurance feels uncertain, or doesn’t come in the way we hoped, our emotions can quickly become overwhelming.
This is why the question isn’t whether we have emotions or needs.
The deeper question is:
Where am I seeking my deepest sense of security?
Psychology teaches us that when we feel emotionally threatened, our nervous system can move into survival mode. In those moments, we often react from fear rather than respond with clarity.
Imagine your husband is quieter than usual.
Your child seems distant.
A friend doesn’t reply to your message.
Instead of simply noticing what happened, our mind quickly fills in the gaps.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Maybe they’re upset with me.”
“Perhaps I’m no longer important to them.”
Notice what happened.
Nothing was actually confirmed.
But our mind created a story to protect us from possible rejection or disconnection.
This is something many of us do, not because we’re weak, but because our brains are designed to detect possible threats. Sometimes those fears come from past experiences where we felt rejected, criticised, or emotionally unsafe.
The difficulty comes when we begin treating those fearful thoughts as facts.
Sometimes our spouse really is busy, our child simply needs space, or a friend is busy or simply forgot to reply.
And sometimes there really is a problem that deserves an honest conversation.
Emotional maturity isn’t pretending we don’t have feelings. It’s learning to pause before our feelings become our conclusions.
Islam teaches us something incredibly beautiful.
Allah created us for relationships built on mercy, love, and tranquility. He tells us that spouses are a source of sakinah (peace) for one another. Loving others, needing comfort, and seeking connection are not signs of weak faith.
But no human being was created to be the foundation of our deepest security.
That place belongs only to Allah SWT.
People will sometimes disappoint us.
They become busy.
They misunderstand us.
They make mistakes.
And sometimes, we make mistakes too.
But Allah’s knowledge of us never changes. His mercy never decreases. His love for those who turn back to Him never fades.
When our hearts become rooted in Allah SWT , we stop expecting people to carry a weight they were never created to carry.
That doesn’t mean we stop needing people. Allah SWT created us to live in loving relationships and to support one another.
It doesn’t mean we stop expressing our needs.
Healthy relationships require honesty, vulnerability, and communication.
It simply means we learn to express our needs from a place of calmness instead of panic.
Instead of saying,
“You never care about me.”
We might say,
“I’ve been missing you. I feel more connected when we spend time together.”
Instead of saying to our child,
“Why don’t you talk to me?”
We might say,
“I miss talking with you. I’d love for us to spend some time together.”
The need hasn’t changed.
But the way we express it creates space for connection instead of defensiveness.
🌸 A small practice for everyone
The next time you feel hurt by someone’s behaviour, don’t react immediately.
Pause.
Take three slow breaths.
Turn your heart to Allah SWT and ask Him to guide your response.
Then ask yourself:
🤍 1. What am I feeling right now?
(Hurt? Lonely? Rejected? Afraid?)
🤍 2. What story am I telling myself?
Is this what actually happened, or is my mind filling in the gaps?
Remember: Your feelings are real, but they don’t always tell you the whole story.
🤍 3. What do I truly need? A conversation? Reassurance? Rest? A hug? Or do I first need to reconnect with Allah before speaking?
Finally ask yourself:
“How can I express my need with honesty and kindness instead of fear?”
Notice how even a small pause can completely change the conversation.
Wishing each and every one of you peace and wisdom. ❤️
Ameen. 🤲🏻
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